One of the things I dislike most about social media is the "fakeness" of it. The "perfection" that we're all supposed to be living. The fact that people that move abroad are always having an amazing time and there are never any problems, which is simply not true. Its still life and you have to deal with work and bills and the same things everyone else around the world has to deal with. The past two weeks here in Madrid have been difficult. Out of frustration, I actually considered leaving and moving back to the U.S., but I realized that's coming from a place of uncertainty and impulsiveness. Not being able to find an apartment and spending extra money on hotels and Airbnb places has been an unexpected development. Look, I get that I'm lucky I can move to Europe. I gave up life in San Francisco with the high cost of living, the long commute and a job I hated. The quality of life here is better overall and I do appreciate the fact that I'm able to do it. But, I'm also human.
The apartment search has been beyond frustrating. Losing out on places before we even see them; the pictures being different than the reality, etc. etc. Dealing with cultural differences and not speaking the language to be able to communicate or accomplish even the most basic things has been hard. All of those things take a toll eventually. I've finally managed to get American football on WatchESPN and it is oddly comforting. Tonight, its the Steelers vs. the Redskins, which I could not care less about (my team will always be the 49ers), but I'm watching because its familiar and after the frustration of the last week of apartment hunting, I need that familiarity. I guess I'm saying its OK to crave things from your home country, yet not want to move back there To want to veg out and watch HGTV or college football or Hawaii 5.0 in English. I never thought it would happen to me and I felt guilty for not wanting to be out and about and constantly exploring Madrid, but it has and I'm letting it happen.
I haven't been posting anything lately because of being in this little funk right now. I need to write about the amazing dinner my friend and I had at Botin, my trips to Menorca, Copenhagen and Sweden, but I'm lacking inspiration right now due to the realities of life. I learned tonight that my friend and I finally got the apartment we were hoping for. Next up is finding a teaching job I enjoy, which was the point of moving here in the first place. I'm hoping once we move into this new place, I can get into a rhythm of everyday life. I've met some amazing, supportive friends here in these first three months (shout out to Kathryn, Ann and Michele) that have gotten me through this rough patch. Looking forward to moving into the new apartment, finding the places I love in my new neighborhood, connecting with the locals and having a normal routine for the first time in awhile.
I'm Becki...a part-time traveler and recovering expat back in the U.S. after two amazing years spent living in Spain.